Adoption Journal*
*I'm just typing as I get time, so the whole story is not here yet :-)
Sunday, May 6
This is the day! I've been so excited that I can't sleep past 5 a.m. This morning was no different. All but the last minute stuff was packed into 1 duffel bag, 1 rolling suitcase, and 2 backpacks.
Sitting still in Sunday School was impossible. My face beamed all morning. During church, the elders placed their hands on us and prayed for us. Our church has been so supportive, and we can sense their prayers.
JoDee and Tiffany (dear friends of ours) drove us to the airport. They gave us a large ziploc with cards from people of the church and school. What a surprise! I think we were supposed to read one each day, but we couldn't wait! We read them as soon as we found our gate and had been checked in.
Our flight left Chicago at 6 p.m. heading for Warsaw on LOT Polish Airlines. It is starting to seem real, but it is still hard to believe.
My first new food of the trip, black currant juice - good stuff! (Actually ended up being my favorite drink of the whole journey!) Pete stuck to the old Pepsi and Coke. The meals on the plane ride were surprisingly good in spite of the mushrooms in Pete's beef meal. He just hates mushrooms!
I slept pretty well while Pete struggled to get comfortable enough to catch some zz's. We were sitting right next to the bathroom, so all the people who were waiting to use it felt they needed to strike up a conversation with us. After 9 1/4 hours we landed in Warsaw, Poland. We had lost 8 hours of our day and it was now 10:15 a.m. even though we felt like it was 3:15 a.m. The chairs in the Warsaw airport were not conducive to sleep at all. We did get to sleep a little bit on the short flight from Warsaw to Kiev. We lost another hour during this 1.5 hour flight.
The customs, passport control, and insurance in the Kiev airport was just how it had been described to us by our internet support group. There were many, many times that we thanked God for giving us such an awesome group to help us educate ourselves on what to expect.
Once we passed through all the necessary kiosks and desks, we were greeted by our main facilitator Tanya and a driver holding a sign with our names on it. They drove us straight to the apartment that Tanya rents for adoptive families to stay while in Kiev. It is located right downtown just a few blocks from Kreshatik (the main street in downtown Kiev). Tanya took us for a short walk to show us the internet cafe, a few restaurants (including the all-important McDonald's), grocery stores, department store, and an old market. She made sure we had her phone number in case we needed anything, and left us alone to rest.
The apartment included a living room, kitchen, bathroom, and toilet room. There were couch/bed type combos in the kitchen and living room. A door in the living room led to a small patio (4'x10'). We were up on the eighth floor, so we were very thankful for the working elevator.
The first night we ate at "The Wall". This was a mid-priced restaurant in Ukrainian standards that had English menus and English-speaking waitresses. We stuck with what we could recognize: pork chops and Chicken Kiev. (Pete thought that was appropriate for our first night in Kiev!)
After supper we made a quick visit to the internet cafe across the street. It costs 6 griivna ($1.10) per hour to use their computers to access the internet. These types of internet cafes are found in all the larger cities in Kiev, and it was our main communication link home.
Tuesday, May 8
Our regional translator, Julya met us and a taxi to take us to the National Adoption Center. Since it was the day before a major holiday, we were the first ones to sign in. Once the center actually opened we were invited to come upstairs. We waited in the infamous dark hallway until Mrs. Kunko, the director, was ready for us. She didn't have any unusual questions for us other than why we came to the NAC the day before a holiday. She enjoyed looking at the pictures we brought of home and an update letter from a previous family.
Soon the "psychologist" came in and they proceeded to tell us that there were no children available for international adoption. They said that all the children had been adopted. We didn't believe them for one millisecond, but listened anyway.
We followed the psychologist into her office where she pulled out a pile of books for us to leaf through. The books were organized by region and each page represented an available child. The child's page includes their name, birth date, location, medical information, and usually a picture.
As we saw younger boys, we pulled their pages out of the books and set them aside. None of the pictures "jumped" out at us, so we decided to go to the orphanage with the most young boys available. According to the NAC, there were 3 boys and 2 girls available in an orphanage in the region of Lugansk on the far eastern side of Ukraine.
When we had made our decision, Julya immediately began working on a permission letter that we needed the NAC to issue in order for us to visit the orphanage. We waited in Tanya's car until everything was submitted, and went to find some lunch. They took us to a cafeteria-style restaurant that served Ukrainian cuisine. It was clean and very cheap. After lunch Tanya dropped us back off at home to get a nap, check e-mail, and find some supper.
Wednesday, May 9
This is Victory Day in Ukraine. The President has declared a three-day holiday in celebration of the end of WWII. Everything will be shut down, and government offices will be closed until Monday. We are of course disappointed that we cannot meet our son right away, but we do get a chance to get to know the culture here, so we can share it with our son in the future.
Our facilitators will be spending the day with their families, so we are all along in the city. We called a missionary, Laura Moore, and she may take us out this evening. Hopefully we will be able to go to church on Sunday as well. I would like to experience the Ukrainian love for God.
Pete and I finally left the apartment after getting a call from Laura asking to meet us for supper. We walked to the main street in the heart of Kyiv which is closed to traffic on weekends and holidays. Booths lined the sidewalks with vendors selling ice cream bars ($.25), chips, coke, toys, and a lot of alcohol. Russian military music was blaring from speakers up and down the street. Musicians were playing for change; others were playing to sell their recordings.
We found McDonald's and went in to see what it was like. It was 3 in the afternoon, but it was insanely busy. Sixteen cashiers took orders from customers standing in lines at least 5 deep. We ordered Big Mac Value Meals for $1.80, but the ketchup was extra. There were no seats available inside or outside the building. We waited in a nearby park for a bench to be vacated and ate there.
Down the street was a little boy (4-5) playing for change. We couldn't believe that he would be all alone, so we stood and watched him for a while. A photographer was taking pictures of him. After talking to the photographer for a while, we wondered if the boy wasn't the son of the photographer. It is difficult to tell which beggars are poor and which are just putting on an act.
We met Laura at 6 p.m. and she led us to a cafeteria-style restaurant that the locals enjoy. We all ate for under $6. It was good to hear an American's perspective on the culture and people. She was able to point out key differences such as the Ukrainian aggressiveness and lack of comfort zone/personal space. Laura had to teach us to be aggressive in grabbing our meal plates and table before anyone else pushed by us to grab them.
After supper we walked until 8:30 or so to several Orthodox churches, Opera House, and one of the President's house. It was very interesting and we hope to go back with our camera later.
Once we got back to our apartment, we put our feet up and watched a soccer game on TV. before going to bed.
Thursday, May 10
We've been sleeping in each morning which feels really good, but we sure do miss our little Kacie coming in and cuddling first thing each morning.
Kacie and Grandma made a video e-mail for us. We were able to get a computer with headphones at the internet cafe, so we could hear it. We do miss Kacie, but God has given me an unexplainable peace about being apart from her right now.
We went to the "Home Cooking" restaurant for lunch again. I try different things each time. Today the best thing was a mixture of meat, rice, and veggies wrapped in cabbage.
At 2 p.m. Julya met us to go sightseeing. We walked to many cathedrals, a wax museum, the "Golden Gate," Andrew's Hill, and many other places along the way. Julya taught us history of the Ukrainian people, country, and religion. At 5:30 she left us to eat pizza at an Italian restaurant. We thought we were getting a pepperoni pizza, but ended up with a pepperoccini pizza! Close, but just not the same.
The inside of the cathedrals were richly decorated with gold and many painting of Christ, saints, kings, queens, and Bible stories. The people cross themselves and nod 3 times when entering and exiting. Each cathedral is built in the shape of a cross. One side candles burn and prayers are made for the dead and on the other side for the living.
We learned that one of the kings had to decide what religion his country should embrace. He met with Catholics, Orthodox, Muslims, etc, and chose Orthodox. Shortly after, the whole country was baptized into the Orthodox church and mass ceremonies. Evangelical Christians only number about 2% of the 52 million in Ukraine.
Pete and I dragged our tired bodies back into our apartment at 8 p.m. or so. Neither of us had ever walked that much in one day before.
Friday, May 11
Our muscles were terribly sore after all the walking, but once they loosened up, we were good to go. I check e-mail, exchanged money, and got some groceries. I'm not going to try to buy food for a meal again. I got frozen fish sticks and onion rings. At least they looked like onion rings. They ended up tasting like overcooked cheese rings covered in dough. (Later we discovered that they were actually SQUID!!!!) The fish was breaded, but much fishier than we are used to and even included some bones. We were both disappointed.
Julya came to take us out and we headed for McDonald's. We know what we are getting there. We also stopped for soft serve ice cream just outside McDonald's that was very good.
We then headed up towards St. Andrew's church again to visit the Museum of Natural History. Artifacts from many past centuries have been excavated from Kyiv and surrounding regions.
We also stopped at the souvenir booths to get a chess set that Pete really wanted for our family. The pieces are representations of the 17th century Polish vs. Ukrainian war. Historically Ukraine was fighting to remove themselves from Polish occupation.
Back in our apartment that evening we had some excitement. Our toilet's mechanisms were not made very well, so it ran continuously. We tried to stop it, but we noticed water coming in from the side. Thinking that all the toilets constantly run in Ukraine, we just left it. The lady from downstairs came up to tell us her apartment was flooding! We called Tanya to translate for us, and she was able to ask the owner to come over right away. They found someone to fix it, and while he was waiting, we also found some English channels for us to watch on TV.!! He joked that the only thing he bought for that apartment that was made in Ukraine was the toilet and that was the only thing he has had trouble with. We slept much better with a quiet toilet that night.
(Skip forward to the good stuff . . .)
Sunday, May 13
We packed and were ready to go at 5 p.m. Julya picked us up in a taxi and we drove to the train station filled with many people. We found our platform and lugged our bags up and down many stairs. Then with fear and trepidation we boarded our "luxury car." We were VERY pleasantly surprised. The compartments were great! Clean, nicely decorated (by Ukrainian standards, anyway), and even TV.'s to watch movies at night. This was much better than any of us expected. This would be a good overnight ride after all.
Julya played cards with us until the electric was turned on. We made sandwiches and began eating as we started a video (Liar, Liar with Russian over the English). At 10 p.m. we got ready for bed, had devotions together, and quickly fell asleep.
Monday, May 14
Morning: This may be the day! I'm starting to allow myself to get a little excited knowing that we may meet our son today. I may get to hold him for the first time. I get to see his face! I hope time doesn't drag today.
Evening: When we arrived in Lugan'sk (2:30 p.m.), a driver took us to see the regional inspector for a paper authorizing the National Adoption Center's permission letter to visit the orphanage named Lotikovo. The inspector's secretary hosts foreign families in her home since there are no hotels or restaurants in this poor village. We dropped our luggage off out our host's apartment and then we were finally on our way to meet our son. He was only 30 km away!!
Old metal playground equipment was scattered across an unmowed lawn surrounding the orphanage. Clotheslines were filled with small tights, sweatsuits, and socks. We climbed the staircase located just inside the door and turned left at the top into a hallway of offices. We were ushered into the director's office and were told to wait as the caretakers brought the available children in to meet us.
Three children walked in first. Our eyes were immediately drawn to one blonde boy, but he stopped short of the doorway and did not want to come in. A caretaker sat him on the couch next to her where he cowered with his head bowed and crocodile tears filling his chocolate-brown eyes.
The others gathered in front of us, and we
all stared at each other as the director began giving their names, birthdates,
and any major medical information. More caretakers brought 5-6 more children who
were not yet walking. We were surprised to hear the ages of all these boys
because they were so small and developmentally delayed when compared to our
American-born babies who get good care and nutrition.
We narrowed our choice down to two
three-year-old boys based on medical conditions we felt we could handle with our
limited resources. The first boy, Atoly, was clever, explored the room, and
interacted with us. But both of our hearts had been drawn to the scared little
guy with chocolate-brown eyes. One of the caretakers placed him in Pete's lap
where he huddled close to him. When we had narrowed our choice to the two, Pete
started tickling the little guy in his lap. A smile and a dimple appeared, and
then a little giggle escaped. Soon Pete was "chasing" a laughing
little boy around the director's desk!
So how do we choose? We believe that God not only works through circumstances, but also through our feelings. God's arrangement of various circumstances brought us to this room with the choice of two boys in front of us. The only thing left to rely on was our hearts, and our hearts said, "Choose Ivan!" We believe that God led us to choose Ivan because He has something very special planned for him.
Ivan's mother gave up her parental rights when he was 3 days old and left him in the care of the hospital. We believe that someone from the hospital gave him his first name which means "God's Gift". We discussed Ivan's new name and decided on Ivan James Phipps. (James is Pete's middle name, and we wanted him to have a family name in addition to keeping the original name that ties him to his culture.)
From what the director told us, Ivan is a tenderhearted boy who cried after the last family who considered him chose a younger boy and left him behind.
The shyness at the beginning of our visit indicated to us that Ivan has developed a healthy bond with his caretakers and has a healthy respect for strangers. Learning to bond with a new mom and dad is easier if a toddler already knows how to bond/trust/depend on an adult.
When it was time for us to leave, the director asked Ivan if he wanted to eat. He headed straight for the door! The director asked him to take Atoly with him, so he came back, took Atoly's hand and walked him out towards wherever "supper" was.
The picture that plays back in my mind from our first meeting is of Ivan laying sideways in a creamy yellow armchair laughing and laughing as Pete tickles him. I knew at that moment for sure that Pete had lost his heart to his new son. He was now a father of two!
For my logic-oriented brain it took a good night's sleep to convince my brain to trust what was in my heart. In the morning I felt more confident that I would be able to love Ivan as much as Kacie. Now I am looking forward to getting to know him.
Tuesday, May 15
The sun rises very early here (4:30 a.m.), so I was awake by 5. I just laid in bed imagining what life was going to be like with Ivan, how Kacie would react, and how family and friends would react.
The hot water here is turned off, so showers are out of the question unless we enjoy hypothermia. We got some boiling water in a small bowl, mixed in some cold and took sponge baths.
Breakfast was a carmel torte-cake, a yogurt drink, tea, and I made some instant oatmeal for myself.
Julya left at 7:45 to get copies of Ivan's birth certificate and other orphanage documents. She compiled them and took them to the inspector's office to ask for a document that she needs to to take to the regional court.
Julya picked us up at 8:30 to go to Lugansk. We stopped at the notary's office to get some papers typed and sealed (Petition for Court Hearing, Petition for Conclusion and another Petition for someone). The notary was busy so we went to the registry office to register our passports. They would not open for 45 minutes, so we walked to an internet cafe only to discover that they didn't open for another hour and 45 minutes. We decided to wait for the registry. After standing in a third floor hallway crowded with waiting people for an hour and twenty minutes we were able to get into the right office only to be handed applications and to be told that we needed to go back to a notary. So off to the notary again. She was too busy to do all of our documents, but she agreed to do the applications for registration. We then stopped at another place where Julya had to pay a registration fee (about 40 grivna). Finally we arrived back at registration only to be told to wait in the hall because the guy was busy. Eventually he let us in and we finished the registration process.
Back to the notary we went with a quick stop to check the bus schedules. This time we completed the notary tasks and went to the train station so Julya could buy herself a ticket. She is required to hand-carry and submit a few documents to the NAC who will issue another document that we will need for court.
Next it was the regional inspectors office back in the regional center. There the director had been examining our papers and had a few questions for us. #1 We are the youngest foreign couple to adopt here in Lugansk and we seem to be able to have our own children, why do we want to adopt a foreign child? #2 Since Pete's father was "rude" to his own children, what risk is our adoptive son going to have of being hurt by him?
We were able to clarify these things adequately for him, so he agreed to approve our documents. Now his chief would have to sign them so we can take them to submit to the court in our request for a hearing.
The inspector informed us a few hours later that we have problems with passport control. We are registered as living with our driver since our host, Helen, didn't want to leave work to go with us to register. The inspector came to our flat and visited while waiting for the director of passport control to be available. Somehow she was able to get them to overlook it this time as long as it doesn't happen again with future families.
We ate a late supper because of all the excitement. Potatoes fried and then baked with bits of salami and a little smidgeon of cheese, a radish salad (radish, green onion, dill, and mayo), marinated stewed tomatoes, bread, Pepsi, and tea.
After supper we visited, played cards, and finally decided to go to sleep.
Wednesday, May 16
Julya went to the inspector's office to talk to her about how to get the 10 days waived and other regional issues. Then she went to another place to get one more signature required for her to take back to Kiev.
We left with Julya carrying a bag full of teddy bears for the kids at the orphanage. We stopped for a cake for the caretakers and chocolates for the director. (The first box of chocolates that we picked out in the store had a cockroach inside the plastic. Good thing we looked closely!) When we arrived at the orphanage, Vanya and his group were outside playing. We didn't see him but needed to talk to the director anyway. The director told us the rules for visiting - only feed him crackers, cookies, apples or bananas, and come between 10 & noon and 4 to 6. We also discussed what the orphanage may need so we can donate some things for them.
When Vanya saw us outside he started walking to us. I picked him up only to discover that he had wet his pants. A caretaker took him to change his pants. Vanya was quiet and shy again at first and just played with one of the toys we brought along. A Spanish couple was there visiting the 3 year old that they had chosen.
Once we begain chasing Vanya and tickling, he opened up and was more active and smiley. The teddy bears were a big hit for the kids. The ones who had them guarded them carefully.
At 11:30 Vanya and his group left for lunch. They finished shortly after noon and Vanya was allowed to play with us again. We stayed in the area just outside his group area at the top of the stairs.
We were able to get his first Polaroid taken to e-mail home. We also took one of Vanya and his new "Poppa" to give to him. He wouldn't let go of it.
We brought a toy telephone and taught him to say "Halo" with it held up to his ear.
Julya came back for us and informed us that she had just been to the courtyard and the 10 days would be waived because of Ivan's "bear feet" with the help of a $150 donation to the court in the form of office supplies, wallpaper, etc. They will take us shopping for it on Monday after our court hearing.
We had to send Vanya back to his group so we could get Julya to the train station. He clung to Pete's neck saying in Russian, "I want, I want" because he wanted to play with his dad. Julya told him we would be back in the afternoon.
We dropped Julya off at the train station after going in to use the toilet and get some food. We honestly got receipts for the 50 copeks we had to pay for using it!!
Next stop was the internet cafe. We were able to scan Ivan's picture and e-mail everyone at home announcing our choice of a son.
Then we headed back to the orphanage. We were a bit early so we practiced some Russian by asking our driver, Nick, some questions about his family.
Vanya's group was lining up to go outside when we went upstairs. Vanya saw us and smiled as he walked to me. He was less cautious of me during this visit.
We played outside with his group for the first hour. It is obvious that everyone guards whatever they have carefully so no one takes things away. We especially saw this with the crackers. Ivan ate with his head slightly bowed and eyes carefully watching everything around him. I doubt that he would stop before the food is gone.
We played a few things with Vanya this afternoon. He picked dandelion seed heads and would blow them. He picked flowers and held them to us to smell, which we did enthusiastically. He picked up rocks or leaves and handed them to us as he said, "Spacee'ba" meaning Thank You.
At 5 p.m. the group goes in for potty time. One room is lined with numbered pots. Each child sits until he/she goes. The kids moan/cry and rock. I caught the bully of the group hitting Andrei next to him in the face several times when the caretaker was not watching. Little Andrei's condition prevented him from telling on the bully.
Ivan had wet himself again before we got inside so he had to be changed again. Then we were able to go outside alone with him until 6:30 - supper time.
Our driver brought us back to the flat and I helped make supper. It was pork chops, pasta shells with a tiny bit of cheese on top, another salad (cabbage, green onion, dill, cucumber, mayo, and sour cream). For dessert we shared 2 ice cream cones cut into pieces and topped with orange/gooseberry jam.
After cleaning up supper we played cards, practiced some Russian and went to bed.
Friday, May 18
Both yesterday and today were more relaxing days. We visit Ivan from 10-11:30 and 4-6 each day. In between visits we come back to our host family's flat, share lunch with our hosts, take a long nap and then head back to the orphanage.
We've learned how to tell when Vanya needs to go to the bathroom, and we've learned that he loves books. He will play with other things when we visit (slide, swing, etc.) but only if he can hold his books while he is doing it.
We also learn a lot about what life has been like for Ivan by watching him with his group. There is an awful bully who hits and steals. When he is told "Nyet" (No) he just laughs and does it again. The first time he saw me, the bully raised his fist at me and swore in Russian. I was simply passing in the hall!
The more advanced kids have developed a system of trading for the toys they want to play with. A towel and candy wrapper is an even trade for a book.
This evening at supper Irena and Larissa gave us an anniversary gift and card. They also brought a card from the regional inspector. It was quite a suprise to us. They had noticed that our anniversary was today when Larissa was typing one of our documents at work.
Saturday, May 19
Today we took Larissa and Irena to Lugansk to shop. Little man clothes in size 2 are very difficult to find here. Everything is so babyish. The socks are all colored with stripes or patterns so it was hard to find plain white socks. Eventually we ended up with 2 short outfits and one sweatsuit, diapers, underwear, socks and sandals.
We met Julya at the train station, and surprised her. She had expected to hire a driver to take her back to the regional city and the host's flat, and said that it felt like family meeting you after a journey. We were so glad to have her back because we hadn't been able to talk to anyone fluent in English while she was gone.
After Julya made sure everything was OK with our tickets back to Kiev, we left for the flat again. Julya visited a couple of offices to smooth the path for Monday and Tuesday's paperwork, we ate lunch, and headed to Lotikovo.
This time we had Julya and Irena with us to interpret what Vanya was saying. Julya took him through a whole book of animals and he repeated every name. (Except he insisted that the tiger was a cat, not a tiger. What a tease!) This visit was very enlightening to us; now we have a better idea of what to expect of Ivan. He seems to be much closer to Kacie in verbal skills than we thought. We will need to work on social issues and on some physical delays due to his feet.
I'm really missing our sweet little Kacie. She is such a joy to us and I'm sure she is growing up quickly while we are gone. I pray that Kacie adjusts OK to this major change in her life.
(to be continued later . . .}
